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Supreme Loser

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internet grinch since 1998

« on: Mon 7 March, 2011 - 12:52 pm »

"How I Met My Wife" ( by J.Winter, from The New Yorker, July 1994)

It had been a difficult day, so when I walked into the party I was rather
chalant, although I tried hard to appear gruntled and consolate.
I was furling my wieldy umbrella when I noticed a very descript woman, in a
state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothes very shevelled and she
moved in a most gainly way.
I immediately wanted to meet her and knew I'd have to make bones about it
since I was quite cognito.
I could see hide and hair of the hostess, and it was beknownst to me that she
was a very proper person, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad
happened. And although I had only swerving loyalty to her, I felt I should not
display manners which were anything but peccable.
Only toward and heard-of behaviour would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my macculate appearance might cause,
was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances were slim that
someone as flappable as I am, would be ept enough to become persona grata
or a sung hero.
But, I told myself, I am something to sneeze at, someone you could easily
hold a candle to, someone who aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to
risk it.
But then, for some reason, the attractive woman looked at me, and smiled in a
way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed. It was very
concerting to see that she was prepared to be communicado, and it nerved
me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen.
Normally I have a domitable spirit, but being corrigible, I felt capacitated - as if
this were something I was great shakes at. I actually forgot that I have
succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times.
So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way
through the ruly crowd, with strong givings. Nevertheless, since this was all
new hat to me, I had no time to prepare a promptu speech. I simply felt
I tried to make called-for remarks, trying to impress her that I was sipid, and
perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.
She responded well, and I was mayed that she seemed to consider me a
savoury character, who was up to some good. She told me what she was
called and I replied that it seemed a perfect nomer.
We spoke at length, to much avail. But I was defagitable and had to rise
early, so I must leave at a godly hour. When I asked if she would like to meet
me again, she was commital.
And we have been together ever since.
I gave her my love - and she requited it.

This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype.
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